"Staying The Course"
(If you have not read the last two entries on my blog, it would help your understanding of this portion to read them.)
Earlier, I wrote about two lessons learned early in my search for information on being a better husband. The first was the importance of my wife knowing she had first place in my life. The second lesson showed me the many ways I had injured her spirit. This is the starting point for this final segment.
In Smalley’s book, If He Only Knew, there is a chapter that deals with the ways men injure their wives emotionally. He listed 122 things men do to injure their wives’ spirits. While I could truthfully say I had never intentionally done anything to hurt my wife physically or emotionally, I had done most of the things on the list. I had done them because I was clueless to the needs she had. I was clueless no more. It was time for me to do my part to rectify the mistakes I had made.
My attempts to rectify my mistakes were sometimes clumsy. She did not always welcome my efforts. Years of insensitivity had made her suspicious of my motives. With each two steps forward, I took a step backward. The good news is, if you follow each backward step with two forward ones, you reach your destination. This has been the mark of our marriage. While we have not arrived, we feel ourselves getting closer each day.
During our journey we have come to appreciate the term “help meet” in the Bible. It is a term that means to complete. It can be illustrated with a lock and a key. A lock or a key without each other can’t fulfill their purpose. Together, they can do all that they were intended to do.
This simple truth taught us to appreciate our many differences. I am an extremely choleric personality. My wife is a melancholy personality. I am a cognitive thinker. She is intuitive person who often thinks with her feelings. For years, we thought God must have a warped sense of humor to have placed us together. Today, we understand we need each other. Our differences make us stronger by giving us balance.
Last March, we celebrated the forty second year of our journey. For my part, the journey can be divided into three phases, ten clueless years, ten years of repairing the damage caused by the first ten years, and twenty years of moving forward as one. Each day I praise God for giving my wife and me the strength to honor the commitment we made forty-two years ago. That commitment held us together during the early years. It left us with only two options. One, we could stay together and make each other miserable for the remainder of our lives. Two, we could discover what was needed to fix our relationship and work at it. We are still working at it today. We have learned that our relationship can never be taken for granted. It is an ongoing project that we must develop each day.
It has not been easy but our blessings have been greater than our heartaches. At special times when our two sons, their wives, and our eight grandchildren join us, we count our blessings. When our boys call us a “Beaver Cleaver” family, we smile and know it has been worth all the work.
Today, we stand hand and hand facing our twilight years. My love for my wife is greater than it was the day we said our vows. I thank God each day we did not give up but stayed the course.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Reflections for September 10, 2010
Healing Begins with Recognition of a Problem
(To fully receive the full benefit of this reflection you need to scroll back to last week and read it. This is the second in a series of three related reflections.)
One of the hardest things for a man to do is to accept the fact he needs help. He is conditioned his entire life to believe that he can fix his problem. I had to be brought to the reality I was not getting the job done in my marriage and I needed help. Once I accepted this truth, God began to show me that my responsibility toward my wife went beyond providing for her physical needs. If I was going to love her as Christ loved the church, I would have to venture into a place I did not want to go. I would have to enter into the land of feelings. In my clueless mind, this territory was reserved for women. Real men would not go there.
My first journey into the land of feelings came when I read Dr. James Dobson’s book, What Wives Wished Their Husbands Knew about Women. My wife purchased the book and placed it in areas where I was most likely to see it. I discovered it in a basket in front of the great white porcelain throne I visited each morning. It was always on the top of the pile of magazines. When I opened it and began to read, it was like my wife and Dr. Dobson had collaborated. It became clear that wives had needs deeper than their physical needs. They had emotional needs.
I had never gotten beyond the basic physical needs of my wife to her deeper emotional needs. It was not that I refused to meet them. I did not know they existed. Her cries to have these needs met were seen as signs of possessiveness and childishness.
After I read Dr. Dobson’s book, I began to see the flaws in my idea of the perfect husband. Most importantly, there were things I needed to learn, and I became willing to learn them. This began a journey into the emotional needs of my wife.
Later, I read Gary Smalley’s book, If He Only Knew. Many times I wanted to toss it in the trash, but a small inner voice told me I needed to hear its truths. With each page, it revealed another area in which I had fallen short as a husband. It introduced me to the basic differences between men and women. It helped me to understand that my wife and I could look at the same picture and come away with two completely different thoughts. It helped me to understand why for me a trip was something to conquer and for her something to be enjoyed. It showed me why she needed for me to listen to her without always having an opinion. It made me realize she sometimes needs a shoulder to cry upon without an accompanying lecture. It let me know how important it is for her to know her opinion is appreciated. With each page, I was confronted with a new need I had failed to meet.
From these two books, there were two lessons that stood above the rest. One dealt with the importance of my wife believing she was the most important thing in my life. In my heart, I had always felt she was the most important. My actions sent another message. I began to see the source of her insecurities. It became clear I was going to have to work diligently to make her believe what I had always known. I had to make her believe she was the most important thing in the world to me.
This was not a short term assignment. I could not establish her importance to me and forget about it. It was an ongoing task. Each passing day, I needed to let her know she was first on my list of priorities.
(Conclusion next week.)
(To fully receive the full benefit of this reflection you need to scroll back to last week and read it. This is the second in a series of three related reflections.)
One of the hardest things for a man to do is to accept the fact he needs help. He is conditioned his entire life to believe that he can fix his problem. I had to be brought to the reality I was not getting the job done in my marriage and I needed help. Once I accepted this truth, God began to show me that my responsibility toward my wife went beyond providing for her physical needs. If I was going to love her as Christ loved the church, I would have to venture into a place I did not want to go. I would have to enter into the land of feelings. In my clueless mind, this territory was reserved for women. Real men would not go there.
My first journey into the land of feelings came when I read Dr. James Dobson’s book, What Wives Wished Their Husbands Knew about Women. My wife purchased the book and placed it in areas where I was most likely to see it. I discovered it in a basket in front of the great white porcelain throne I visited each morning. It was always on the top of the pile of magazines. When I opened it and began to read, it was like my wife and Dr. Dobson had collaborated. It became clear that wives had needs deeper than their physical needs. They had emotional needs.
I had never gotten beyond the basic physical needs of my wife to her deeper emotional needs. It was not that I refused to meet them. I did not know they existed. Her cries to have these needs met were seen as signs of possessiveness and childishness.
After I read Dr. Dobson’s book, I began to see the flaws in my idea of the perfect husband. Most importantly, there were things I needed to learn, and I became willing to learn them. This began a journey into the emotional needs of my wife.
Later, I read Gary Smalley’s book, If He Only Knew. Many times I wanted to toss it in the trash, but a small inner voice told me I needed to hear its truths. With each page, it revealed another area in which I had fallen short as a husband. It introduced me to the basic differences between men and women. It helped me to understand that my wife and I could look at the same picture and come away with two completely different thoughts. It helped me to understand why for me a trip was something to conquer and for her something to be enjoyed. It showed me why she needed for me to listen to her without always having an opinion. It made me realize she sometimes needs a shoulder to cry upon without an accompanying lecture. It let me know how important it is for her to know her opinion is appreciated. With each page, I was confronted with a new need I had failed to meet.
From these two books, there were two lessons that stood above the rest. One dealt with the importance of my wife believing she was the most important thing in my life. In my heart, I had always felt she was the most important. My actions sent another message. I began to see the source of her insecurities. It became clear I was going to have to work diligently to make her believe what I had always known. I had to make her believe she was the most important thing in the world to me.
This was not a short term assignment. I could not establish her importance to me and forget about it. It was an ongoing task. Each passing day, I needed to let her know she was first on my list of priorities.
(Conclusion next week.)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Reflections for September 3, 2010
Clueless Is Not an Incurable Condition
As I drove into the driveway, it was difficult to contain my excitement. My wife, who was eight months pregnant, and my three-year-old son met me at the door. My excitement was evident as I shouted, “Guess who came to see me at school this morning?” She replied, “Who?”I responded, “Coach Varner visited me at school and offered me my old job back”. With a concerned look, she inquired, “What did you say?” When I told her that I had accepted the offer, the look on her face was bewilderment. Her lack of approval was puzzling to me. I was clueless to the insensitivity of making a life-changing decision without consulting her.
A few weeks later, our second son was born. The morning before he was scheduled for his six-week check-up a friend visited us. From the time he drove into our driveway, my mind went to work. He was driving a truck. We had secured a house near my new job. We had to relocate within the next three weeks. It all made sense to me. Truck, helper, house secured, and a free day were all the ingredients needed to move. The fact that we had not packed the first thing did not register with me as a problem. We slept in our new house that night. I was clueless to the insensitivity of putting my wife though this ordeal.
The following years were difficult. Although we rarely argued, there was always tension in the air. My work was my life. It was not uncommon for me to leave before the children were up and get home after they were in bed. Since we had chosen for my wife to work at home until the children started school, she had little contact with adults. By the time I arrived home, she was desperate for conversation. I wanted to relax. I read the paper or watched television as she attempted to share her day. The conversation often ended with these words: “You are not listening to a thing I say.” I would respond by repeating her comments verbatim. I was clueless to the difference between hearing and listening. I heard the words, but she needed for me to listen to her feelings of loneliness and frustration.
Her feelings of isolation took a toll on our relationship. She became jealous of the things she perceived to take precedence over her. She began to see herself slipping down my priority list. Her insecurities caused her to cling and her clinging caused me to feel caged. The tension grew. Her attempts to discuss the problem were met by silence. I was determined that my home would not become the verbal battlefield I had experienced as a child.
As the months passed, my wife became deeply depressed and I became frustrated at my inability to make her happy. I thought that I was a good husband. I was faithful; I worked hard; and I gave her my paycheck each month to pay the bills. My frustration drove me to my knees. I cried out to God that our marriage was broken and I did not know how to fix it. When I arose from my knees, I realized the answers to our problems were to be found outside of ourselves. It was overwhelming.
In the months that followed my willingness to learn more about my responsibilities as a husband grew. I began to seek help and God began to show me things I had never seen before.
As I drove into the driveway, it was difficult to contain my excitement. My wife, who was eight months pregnant, and my three-year-old son met me at the door. My excitement was evident as I shouted, “Guess who came to see me at school this morning?” She replied, “Who?”I responded, “Coach Varner visited me at school and offered me my old job back”. With a concerned look, she inquired, “What did you say?” When I told her that I had accepted the offer, the look on her face was bewilderment. Her lack of approval was puzzling to me. I was clueless to the insensitivity of making a life-changing decision without consulting her.
A few weeks later, our second son was born. The morning before he was scheduled for his six-week check-up a friend visited us. From the time he drove into our driveway, my mind went to work. He was driving a truck. We had secured a house near my new job. We had to relocate within the next three weeks. It all made sense to me. Truck, helper, house secured, and a free day were all the ingredients needed to move. The fact that we had not packed the first thing did not register with me as a problem. We slept in our new house that night. I was clueless to the insensitivity of putting my wife though this ordeal.
The following years were difficult. Although we rarely argued, there was always tension in the air. My work was my life. It was not uncommon for me to leave before the children were up and get home after they were in bed. Since we had chosen for my wife to work at home until the children started school, she had little contact with adults. By the time I arrived home, she was desperate for conversation. I wanted to relax. I read the paper or watched television as she attempted to share her day. The conversation often ended with these words: “You are not listening to a thing I say.” I would respond by repeating her comments verbatim. I was clueless to the difference between hearing and listening. I heard the words, but she needed for me to listen to her feelings of loneliness and frustration.
Her feelings of isolation took a toll on our relationship. She became jealous of the things she perceived to take precedence over her. She began to see herself slipping down my priority list. Her insecurities caused her to cling and her clinging caused me to feel caged. The tension grew. Her attempts to discuss the problem were met by silence. I was determined that my home would not become the verbal battlefield I had experienced as a child.
As the months passed, my wife became deeply depressed and I became frustrated at my inability to make her happy. I thought that I was a good husband. I was faithful; I worked hard; and I gave her my paycheck each month to pay the bills. My frustration drove me to my knees. I cried out to God that our marriage was broken and I did not know how to fix it. When I arose from my knees, I realized the answers to our problems were to be found outside of ourselves. It was overwhelming.
In the months that followed my willingness to learn more about my responsibilities as a husband grew. I began to seek help and God began to show me things I had never seen before.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Reflections for August 27, 2010
A Parallel between a Football Team and the Church
During a sermon I shared that for nineteen years of my life football (eight as player and eleven as a coach) had been the first priority in my life. I shared to explain how God transitioned me from coach to pastor. As folks filed past me on the way out following the sermon, someone made a remark that had an impression upon me. He said, “You never left coaching. Now, you are God’s coach and you are coaching God’s people.” As I reflected the comment, I began to draw parallels between a football team and God’s church.
A football team has an owner or a sponsor. Without a school sponsor or a literal owner as in professional football, there would be no team. A Church has God as its owner. He purchased it with the precious shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. You can’t belong to His team unless you have recognized and accepted the sacrifice that has been made for you. Churches that refuse to accept God’s ownership are churches in name only. They can never rise above what man can do. Those yielded to God’s ownership can look forward to experiencing God’s victories.
Every team must have a head coach and varying numbers of assistants. To be successful, they must keep contact with the owner. Their position is secure as long as they remember their ultimate goal is to please the owner. A pastor is much like the head coach. His assistants may ware the title pastor but in truth there must be a central figure to direct the day to day traffic. The role of the coaches is to determine where the players can best serve; to help them develop their skills; and to deploy them in the game at the appropriate moment.
Under the coaches are the players. They are the feet on the ground. In the eyes of the public some players are more important than others. Wise coaches know that it takes everyone for the team to reach its full potential. The team members who work diligently all week to assist in the preparation of the players who will actually be on the field on game day are as important as the ones scoring the touchdowns. Football is a team sport. There is no room for stars.
In a church the players are the folks who work behind the scenes to make sure things are ready for Sunday. They may not preach, teach, sing in the choir, etc. but they pray, visit, encourage, keep the nursery, contribute, clean, drive buses, etc. The important thing is they use the gifts they have been given to advance the work of the owner.
The spectators represent those who belong to the team but who do not participate fully. Instead, they are content to sit in the stands and occasionally give a cheer for those who are doing the work. Unfortunately, in most churches it is the spectators who make up the majority..
The parallel breaks down at this point. In football, only so many can participate on the field at a time. In the church, spectators are challenged to get out of the stands and into the game. They are constantly reminded their talents were never meant to be horded but were meant to add to the efficiency of the team.
Finally, there are the people outside the stadium. They have no interest in the game. Many have no idea the game is taking place. They often see people involved in the game as fanatics. They do not understand the thrill that comes when you know you have served well and honored your owner and king. It is the duty of those in the stadium to go into the community and to represent their owner well. It is their duty to tell others of the excitement the game of life can offer when it is played under the direction of the Heavenly Owner. Like exciting football games, the joys of fellowship in the church should be talked about in the factories, offices, homes, places of recreation, and other places by those who participate in the joys of serving the Master.
The question these parallels raise for each one of us is are we in the game or are we merely a spectator or are we outside the stadium completely? Speaking as one who spent most of the first half of his life in the stands watching, I can say there is nothing more exciting than getting involved and playing the game of life under the direction of the our Heavenly Owner.
During a sermon I shared that for nineteen years of my life football (eight as player and eleven as a coach) had been the first priority in my life. I shared to explain how God transitioned me from coach to pastor. As folks filed past me on the way out following the sermon, someone made a remark that had an impression upon me. He said, “You never left coaching. Now, you are God’s coach and you are coaching God’s people.” As I reflected the comment, I began to draw parallels between a football team and God’s church.
A football team has an owner or a sponsor. Without a school sponsor or a literal owner as in professional football, there would be no team. A Church has God as its owner. He purchased it with the precious shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. You can’t belong to His team unless you have recognized and accepted the sacrifice that has been made for you. Churches that refuse to accept God’s ownership are churches in name only. They can never rise above what man can do. Those yielded to God’s ownership can look forward to experiencing God’s victories.
Every team must have a head coach and varying numbers of assistants. To be successful, they must keep contact with the owner. Their position is secure as long as they remember their ultimate goal is to please the owner. A pastor is much like the head coach. His assistants may ware the title pastor but in truth there must be a central figure to direct the day to day traffic. The role of the coaches is to determine where the players can best serve; to help them develop their skills; and to deploy them in the game at the appropriate moment.
Under the coaches are the players. They are the feet on the ground. In the eyes of the public some players are more important than others. Wise coaches know that it takes everyone for the team to reach its full potential. The team members who work diligently all week to assist in the preparation of the players who will actually be on the field on game day are as important as the ones scoring the touchdowns. Football is a team sport. There is no room for stars.
In a church the players are the folks who work behind the scenes to make sure things are ready for Sunday. They may not preach, teach, sing in the choir, etc. but they pray, visit, encourage, keep the nursery, contribute, clean, drive buses, etc. The important thing is they use the gifts they have been given to advance the work of the owner.
The spectators represent those who belong to the team but who do not participate fully. Instead, they are content to sit in the stands and occasionally give a cheer for those who are doing the work. Unfortunately, in most churches it is the spectators who make up the majority..
The parallel breaks down at this point. In football, only so many can participate on the field at a time. In the church, spectators are challenged to get out of the stands and into the game. They are constantly reminded their talents were never meant to be horded but were meant to add to the efficiency of the team.
Finally, there are the people outside the stadium. They have no interest in the game. Many have no idea the game is taking place. They often see people involved in the game as fanatics. They do not understand the thrill that comes when you know you have served well and honored your owner and king. It is the duty of those in the stadium to go into the community and to represent their owner well. It is their duty to tell others of the excitement the game of life can offer when it is played under the direction of the Heavenly Owner. Like exciting football games, the joys of fellowship in the church should be talked about in the factories, offices, homes, places of recreation, and other places by those who participate in the joys of serving the Master.
The question these parallels raise for each one of us is are we in the game or are we merely a spectator or are we outside the stadium completely? Speaking as one who spent most of the first half of his life in the stands watching, I can say there is nothing more exciting than getting involved and playing the game of life under the direction of the our Heavenly Owner.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Reflections for August 20, 2010
"Putting Others First"
When I was a boy, Life Magazine was one of the leading publications in the country. Through the years People,, US and Self magazines have appeared. I mention these because I believe their names reflect a downward spiral in our country from responsibility for self and others to an obsession with personal rights.
I recognize that you might take issue with my assumption. You could point to the outpouring of financial support that Americans have given in response to natural disasters both at home and abroad in recent years. Your observations would be correct. There is no other nation in the world that has been more generous in these situations. However, I am not thinking as much about these types of events as I am about the day to day opportunities that we have to choose between self and others.
Our obsession with self is seen in our equally obvious obsession with our rights. It seems that everyone is conscious of his/her rights today. We hear this all the time in business, the work place, politics, marriage, church, and every other venue of human interaction. While I am for individual rights and freedom as much as the next guy, I am alarmed at how the obsession with our rights have blurred or destroyed our willingness to accept our responsibilities. When you break it down to its basics, rights are about self and responsibilities are about others. The more self absorbed we are; the less concerned we are about our responsibilities to others.
While the world promotes this fascination with self, scripture teaches us something different. In his admonition to the church at Philippi, Paul addresses this issue by writing, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3, 4) Paul is not advising that we should forget about our own personal interests. We have a responsibility to ourselves as well as to others. However, he is admonishing us not to let our personal interests absorb us. He is encouraging us to be conscious of the needs of others. He is saying our decisions should not only consider self but that they should consider the effect our choices have on others. He is saying in our listing of priorities we are to consider others first.
Few days pass that we do not have the opportunity to choose between selfish desires and the needs of others. The natural thing to do is to choose self over others. The Spirit filled way is to place others first. Imagine the changes it would make in your home or church, if everyone put into action the words written by Paul to the Philippians. I believe it would reduce the constant bickering that often defines families and churches. I believe it would demonstrate in life the words of Jesus: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 NASB).
When I was a boy, Life Magazine was one of the leading publications in the country. Through the years People,, US and Self magazines have appeared. I mention these because I believe their names reflect a downward spiral in our country from responsibility for self and others to an obsession with personal rights.
I recognize that you might take issue with my assumption. You could point to the outpouring of financial support that Americans have given in response to natural disasters both at home and abroad in recent years. Your observations would be correct. There is no other nation in the world that has been more generous in these situations. However, I am not thinking as much about these types of events as I am about the day to day opportunities that we have to choose between self and others.
Our obsession with self is seen in our equally obvious obsession with our rights. It seems that everyone is conscious of his/her rights today. We hear this all the time in business, the work place, politics, marriage, church, and every other venue of human interaction. While I am for individual rights and freedom as much as the next guy, I am alarmed at how the obsession with our rights have blurred or destroyed our willingness to accept our responsibilities. When you break it down to its basics, rights are about self and responsibilities are about others. The more self absorbed we are; the less concerned we are about our responsibilities to others.
While the world promotes this fascination with self, scripture teaches us something different. In his admonition to the church at Philippi, Paul addresses this issue by writing, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3, 4) Paul is not advising that we should forget about our own personal interests. We have a responsibility to ourselves as well as to others. However, he is admonishing us not to let our personal interests absorb us. He is encouraging us to be conscious of the needs of others. He is saying our decisions should not only consider self but that they should consider the effect our choices have on others. He is saying in our listing of priorities we are to consider others first.
Few days pass that we do not have the opportunity to choose between selfish desires and the needs of others. The natural thing to do is to choose self over others. The Spirit filled way is to place others first. Imagine the changes it would make in your home or church, if everyone put into action the words written by Paul to the Philippians. I believe it would reduce the constant bickering that often defines families and churches. I believe it would demonstrate in life the words of Jesus: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35 NASB).
Friday, August 13, 2010
Reflections for August 13, 2010
Focusing on the Things We Have in Common
Does the number of things that divide people disturb you? We are divided by race, nationality, socio-economic factors, geographical stereotyping, gender, age, politics, social issues and spiritual differences to name a few. I am not talking about society as a whole but the division that exist among those who claim to be followers of Christ. How it must trouble our Lord when He sees His Bride so divided. The sad thing is most of the things that divide us have little eternal ramifications. Instead, they have to do with our personal preferences, rather than the unchanging principles of our faith.
I am not naive enough to believe there will be unanimity among God’s people this side of heaven. There will always be differences. It is not the differences that trouble me. It is the attitude accompanying them that is troubling. It is one thing to disagree but it is another thing entirely to do so with an unloving attitude. While we may not reach unanimity, Christ did give us one directive that leaves little wiggle room in interpretation. He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34, 35 NASB).
If we are to obey the command of Christ, we must find a way to look beyond our differences and to focus on the things we have in common. Several years ago, I heard a message by John Maxwell that dealt with dealing with conflict. It was called the 101 Per Cent Principle. Basically, it challenged people in conflict to find the one percent that they could agree upon and to give a 100 percent effort to build upon that one percent of agreement. As followers of Christ, we have more than one percent to build upon. Paul wrote about our commonality in the Letter to Ephesus: “Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all” (Ephesians 4:1-6 NASB). Notice Paul emphasized the attitude we should have toward each other before he gave us the things we share in common. If I have the attitude Paul expresses, surely I will be able to act brotherly toward others who share the common elements of our faith.
When we push our common beliefs to the background, and fight over the peripheral things we do a disservice to our Lord and we give ammunition to those who have not yet been brought into the family. We legitimize the thought that Christians are hypocrites. What is the unbelieving world to think when we preach love and demonstrate the opposite? When we consider the common things Paul said we share, it would behoove us to consider we are going to spend eternity with many of the folks we refuse to tolerate. It seems to me it would be wise to begin this side of eternity to learn how to love our brothers and sisters in Christ in spite of our differences.
Does the number of things that divide people disturb you? We are divided by race, nationality, socio-economic factors, geographical stereotyping, gender, age, politics, social issues and spiritual differences to name a few. I am not talking about society as a whole but the division that exist among those who claim to be followers of Christ. How it must trouble our Lord when He sees His Bride so divided. The sad thing is most of the things that divide us have little eternal ramifications. Instead, they have to do with our personal preferences, rather than the unchanging principles of our faith.
I am not naive enough to believe there will be unanimity among God’s people this side of heaven. There will always be differences. It is not the differences that trouble me. It is the attitude accompanying them that is troubling. It is one thing to disagree but it is another thing entirely to do so with an unloving attitude. While we may not reach unanimity, Christ did give us one directive that leaves little wiggle room in interpretation. He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34, 35 NASB).
If we are to obey the command of Christ, we must find a way to look beyond our differences and to focus on the things we have in common. Several years ago, I heard a message by John Maxwell that dealt with dealing with conflict. It was called the 101 Per Cent Principle. Basically, it challenged people in conflict to find the one percent that they could agree upon and to give a 100 percent effort to build upon that one percent of agreement. As followers of Christ, we have more than one percent to build upon. Paul wrote about our commonality in the Letter to Ephesus: “Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all” (Ephesians 4:1-6 NASB). Notice Paul emphasized the attitude we should have toward each other before he gave us the things we share in common. If I have the attitude Paul expresses, surely I will be able to act brotherly toward others who share the common elements of our faith.
When we push our common beliefs to the background, and fight over the peripheral things we do a disservice to our Lord and we give ammunition to those who have not yet been brought into the family. We legitimize the thought that Christians are hypocrites. What is the unbelieving world to think when we preach love and demonstrate the opposite? When we consider the common things Paul said we share, it would behoove us to consider we are going to spend eternity with many of the folks we refuse to tolerate. It seems to me it would be wise to begin this side of eternity to learn how to love our brothers and sisters in Christ in spite of our differences.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Reflections for July 30, 2010
"It Is Not My Call"
Following a night of severe thunder storms my wife was talking to our five year old granddaughter. She asked, “Did the storms frighten you?”
She replied, “We were out in them and they frightened me some. I said a little prayer asking God to make them stop. Then I thought that is not my call is it?”
It amazes me how, not realizing it, children can be incredibly profound. Her response had no element of fear or frustration over the situation being completely out of her hand. She was content to know it was in God’s hands. I pray that simple sense of trust will follow her and will comfort her when she grows older and the storms of life swirl around her.
Her response brought to my mind a sermon I heard at a pastor’s conference early in my ministry. I can’t remember the preacher’s name but I remember the sermon title, the scripture and the three points he brought forward. The title was “God of the Whirlwind.” His scripture was Nahum 1”3b: “In whirlwind and storm is His way and clouds are the dust beneath His feet (NASB).” His three points were God was before the whirlwind, God was in the whirlwind and God will be there when the whirlwind is over.
It appears to me this is an important message for our generation, since we tend to move from one whirlwind to another. The storms of uncertainty in our country today are blowing hard. It seems to me that the fear and frustration among our people grows with each passing day. Much of this unrest revolves around the economic conditions in the country. For many Christians, the greatest storm is the downward spiral of standards of morality. For others it is the fear brought about by medical problems. The list of possible life crippling whirlwinds could go on forever and still miss the one in your life. Whatever the whirlwind is in your life, I have good news for you.
The good news is found in Nahum 1:7: “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him” (NASB). Whatever whirlwind you are encountering today, take a moment and think about three things. One, God is good. Two, God wants to be your stronghold. He wants to care for you. He will either move you beyond the whirlwind or He will give you all you need to weather the storm. Three, while it may appear that everyone around you is oblivious to the storm you battle, God knows you by name. He knows your pain and He wishes to provide you the strength to rise above it.
In the end, it is good for all of us to accept the truth from the mouth of a five year old girl and to realize that some things are not our call, but we can know intimately the one who is in control and He will deliver us from our whirlwinds, if we will trust in Him.
Following a night of severe thunder storms my wife was talking to our five year old granddaughter. She asked, “Did the storms frighten you?”
She replied, “We were out in them and they frightened me some. I said a little prayer asking God to make them stop. Then I thought that is not my call is it?”
It amazes me how, not realizing it, children can be incredibly profound. Her response had no element of fear or frustration over the situation being completely out of her hand. She was content to know it was in God’s hands. I pray that simple sense of trust will follow her and will comfort her when she grows older and the storms of life swirl around her.
Her response brought to my mind a sermon I heard at a pastor’s conference early in my ministry. I can’t remember the preacher’s name but I remember the sermon title, the scripture and the three points he brought forward. The title was “God of the Whirlwind.” His scripture was Nahum 1”3b: “In whirlwind and storm is His way and clouds are the dust beneath His feet (NASB).” His three points were God was before the whirlwind, God was in the whirlwind and God will be there when the whirlwind is over.
It appears to me this is an important message for our generation, since we tend to move from one whirlwind to another. The storms of uncertainty in our country today are blowing hard. It seems to me that the fear and frustration among our people grows with each passing day. Much of this unrest revolves around the economic conditions in the country. For many Christians, the greatest storm is the downward spiral of standards of morality. For others it is the fear brought about by medical problems. The list of possible life crippling whirlwinds could go on forever and still miss the one in your life. Whatever the whirlwind is in your life, I have good news for you.
The good news is found in Nahum 1:7: “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who take refuge in Him” (NASB). Whatever whirlwind you are encountering today, take a moment and think about three things. One, God is good. Two, God wants to be your stronghold. He wants to care for you. He will either move you beyond the whirlwind or He will give you all you need to weather the storm. Three, while it may appear that everyone around you is oblivious to the storm you battle, God knows you by name. He knows your pain and He wishes to provide you the strength to rise above it.
In the end, it is good for all of us to accept the truth from the mouth of a five year old girl and to realize that some things are not our call, but we can know intimately the one who is in control and He will deliver us from our whirlwinds, if we will trust in Him.
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